“You know what, I love you, and you don’t go anywhere? Promise?” he looked me straight in the eyes. I clawed my way through his hazel-like eyes. His expression was hard to read. We were locked away from the world, I was heartbroken. My heart couldn’t function properly to a normal beat. How long will this go on? I thought to myself. My palms were building a layer of sweat on themselves.
The last thing I want to do is to tell him to stay safe though I want him to stay safe but that’d be playing the wrong card. Crying isn’t the best option. The silence between us overwhelmed me. What happened a few days earlier were one of the greatest days of my life. I wouldn’t trade the memory that burned and seeped into my brain for anything in the world. The warmth his body was exerting chilled me to the bone.
Suddenly he was a nobody to me; a complete stranger. The memory had erased itself. I stared at him in disbelief.
“No, I don’t…” I croaked. I realized my voice had shook, “I don’t promise.”
He got taken aback, thrown me a confused look and eventually said, “I don’t catch your drift.”
“You’re leaving.”
I felt a rush of blood in my hands. They froze. I started thinking—thinking hard. What would I do without him? He’s the reason for my living. He wakes me up and reminds me to be the best me I can. And now what? He’s just gonna leave me. I feel angry, I could shove a puppy but then another side of me wanted to break down; right here, right now and didn’t care who was watching.
“It’s for just two years, relax,” he stepped back a few paces.
To him it’s just two years. He had given me courage, faith, love and belief. I couldn't process anything. I see everyone just cheering, giving a grand standing ovation at his announcement and I just don’t get why people are so crazy. I’m going to lose it. He cried right in front of a large crowd, so did I—in the crowd.
There was a heavy lump in my throat. Soon, I was sobbing. I didn’t understand what was going on as if this was just a complete nightmare. My chest started feeling heavy. I couldn’t stay strong. I was about to lay flat on the floor. He had guided me to a place where everything will be okay and you have to fight your battles and make sure they are overcome. I’ve always pictured us together… But after that? It just burned into ashes.
The constant silence between our speeches just jabs me in the heart. I wanted it to end. Shake my head like those girls in the movies do and yell, “THIS IS NOT HAPPENING. THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!”
If only it were a dream. He looked at me with sorrowful eyes. I felt something wet rolling down my hot cheek.
“I have to do this because I want to give back,” he tilted his head a little to the side; giving me a signal of comfort. He didn’t dare to touch me, afraid I might scream at his face. I won’t. I know I won’t.
I didn’t know what to say. My chest was too heavy. My legs were implanted onto the ground; there was no time to run. In fact, running would only worsen this emotional wound of mine that he scarred.
I love his music. I adore them. But now he’s just leaving them for this mission. He’s a lunatic. I don’t know him. I don’t know this person.
Just then a torrent of wind blew at us. We stood still like statues.
I can’t explain how much he means to me. Right now, I regret even having this attitude towards him: treating him like some animal. I just couldn’t let him slip away without something. Two years. What am I going to do in that time span? I don’t want to just keep studying. What happens if I lose my interest in him? He comes back and finds me uninterested, blunt and dead inside.
“I just…” I started.
I definitely didn’t know what was going on. I saw my world crumble before my eyes. Seeing the wonderful face I loved so much just disappear for twenty-four lifeless months. I’m not desperate. He really means the whole world to me. I would protect him at any matter. He’s precious to me. The years, oh the years, we’ve spent every second with each other; not literally. I just… I can’t seem to let the thought of him not being right by my side be gone.
I felt more watery drops roll down on my cheeks from my eyes as I blinked… I closed my eyes instantly. I didn’t want to even see his face. I want him to be gone.
Just get this over with, I don’t want to see you.
More water flows out of my eyelids.
My heart was definitely broken. So, I broke into pieces. And you know what? I ran. I ran for dear life itself. I didn’t bother to say goodbye, good luck or hey, I’ve been in love with you and been giving you the cold shoulder ever since you told me you liked me, hey! I didn’t even give him a gesture. I want it to be like that; our relationship just kept ajar until he returns. My head hurts. My heart literally does too.